Tristan,
Today has been a shit day. First, my friend Heather bailed on going to the beach with me, so now I probably won't go. Then, my friend Rick decided that he didn't want to help me find a boyfriend after all. I honestly don't know what attracts such people to me, why some of my friends are so callous towards me, like I have no feelings. My Dad and I got into a fight tonight, too and he called me selfish and an asshole, though I said some bad things, too. I was thinking of going to the beach tomorrow, but I really don't think I will, since I have no one to go with.
I am supposed to go over to Rick's house, but I don't want to go there after what he said, since I am mad at him now. He doesn't understand that maybe things between people should mean things. I think that people should only kiss or make out or have sex or whatever if they care for each other. I AM NOT going to go out with some guy who doesn't care about me, or who I don't give two shits about. I wonder if you would understand that, I feel like you would. I think you understand me better than you could ever imagine, that's why I like you so much, I honestly love you, Mr. Tristan. Writing to you makes me feel better.
Not much else is going on. I am thinking of going to see a movie instead, since Rick is being such a jerk. My other friend Rob said that I will find someone, since I am cute and nice, that made me feel a whole lot better, like there are guys out there that do not care about experience and that I can be loved for who I am and not for someone that I'm not. I don't want to be something that society thinks I should be, that may work for some girls, but it has never worked for me and it never fucking will. You know what it is like to want to be out on your own, to go your own way. Your tattoo is like that, too, that guy, strumming his guitar with the wind blowing on his back, alone with his guitar. The whole world could be against him for all we know, but he keeps on strumming away, alone against the wind, seemingly against the will of nature itself. I love that tattoo, I want to get one just like that, but it would be copying you, and I want to be my own person. Maybe I can just stare at your back instead, that would be heavenly for me.
I just hope that someday I can find a guy that loves me for me, no matter how close minded I can be sometimes. I wish it could be you. I always wish it could be you. Your job just makes you feel further away from me, though I wish I could go to Paris to see you. I guess you are moving there, though you never told me if you are or not. You looked at my page yesterday, though I am not sure why. I think you are recording the parts for you album with your band. I can't wait to get my hands on it, or to hear your voice. You have to hear their songs Megan, he wrote one about going to therapy and taking pills and such, I can relate to it really well. The title is a lyric from the song. Anyway, I have to go to bed now, to do whatever it is I am going to do tomorrow. Good night my sweet prince. I love you. Bye.-Kate
<< Tuesday, Jul. 03, 2007@12:59 a.m.>>