I'm going to make this entry really quick because I have to go to bed early tomorrow night so I'm not sure if I can write tomorrow night or not. I worked tonight which was kind of boring. I had so much to do that I didn't get it all done and I haven't put much of my training on the scanner in practice because I haven't had the time to use it. I also noticed that everyone at work uses left handed box cutters. For the largest company in the world, Wal-Mart is dumb as all hell. I mean, they don't have enough employees to cover every department, which they should. They don't have ANY right handed box cutters, even though the majority of people are right handed, they don't have enough vests for everyone and the ones they have are huge and they don't give things to swipe in with in a timely manner. The training you get is basically where things are, but not really how to do anything or answer any questions you actually need to know the answers to, until it's too late and you've already fucked up with a customer.
I am getting plenty irritated with everything lately. I really need some me time to get things in order. I can't find one of my cds and it is driving me up a wall, because it means I am missing a page or more of my cd case because I have been carrying it around since it fell apart. I don't think the missing page is very far away, but it is not in my car, which is where I was hoping it would be. I also want to find some more of my old t-shirts, because I found three yesterday and my favorite one, which I hadn't worn in a while. Summer is the only time I have to clean up my room and get my shit together.
I am a bit worried about myself in general, because I've been crying an awful lot today. I just feel like I am not worth anything to anyone, like no one is missing me. I also am kind of feeling like I'm just not worth anything because no one ever seems to want to stay around me. I know it's not true, but I can never get those thoughts out of my head. I always feel like I am abandoned and forgotten about, like I'm a lost cause who doesn't deserve anyone's love or attention. It just makes me mad at myself to be so far behind girls my own age. I worry that I'll never be good enough for anyone and I know that is stupid, but I just get worried because I never can keep a friend or keep a guy's interest for very long. I'm just disappointed in myself these days, though I have been for a while.
I'm worried I won't get into a college for my major because I might not be a good enough musician yet. I really hope that that is not true. I feel like I work really hard, but I feel like it is never enough.
It looks like they are going to pave the road now, at least sometime before the end of the week. I made a list of things that I want to do over the summer. I might scan it or type it out on here sometime soon. When my class is over I will do that and start doing some of the stuff on my list. I'm going to do my reading for my class now. It looks like my Dad is going to open the pool up next week so I can start to go swimming, which is one of my goals over the summer. I want to try and lose some weight and go down another size. I'm going to read now and watch Aqua Teen. Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Wednesday, Jun. 15, 2005@11:55 p.m.>>