I've been so tired and frustrated lately that I can't begin to explain how upset I am about my life. I know I am not stable enough to go out on my own and live a real life, but I don't think anyone reading this would really know how much it sucks to come home to no one but two stupid dogs. I love my dogs, but I want someone to talk to about stuff, you know what I mean? I heard some awesome Teenage Fanclub songs today, but I don't have anyone to tell that to and no one would fucking care or know who Teenage Fanclub are. I want to watch Arrested Development tonight, but I have no one to watch it with or talk to it about, which pisses me off, because the characters on that show are fucking funny, especially GOB, so anyone who's reading this is just missing out.
I'm also irritated because it's the holidays and that apparently gives everyone license to be a major dick. I'm tired of people cutting me off, cutting in front of me in lines and calling me stupid. Guess what? I don't fucking shop at Wal Mart because I don't agree with all the right wing shit they fund and they treat their employees like shit (believe me, I know!). Oh, that and almost everyone who shops there acts like the fucking missing link. So, if I don't know anything about where I work, it's because I don't give a flying fuck. I just wish I could sleep until the holidays are over, I don't care what anyone is getting me as far as family goes, I just want a trumpet and I know I'm going to buy one along with a trumpet book. I probably won't have the time to play it though.
I feel really alone right now and just bummed out, so I'm just listening to old cds and wishing that I had something to do with my life in general. I just don't know if I can stay in music anymore, because I feel so stupid and it doesn't feel right. That, and no one ever asks me to be in their band. I want to play for fun and school is so much work and I'm not even fucking getting the stuff I'm working on right. I just feel like quitting school in general. I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
I did buy my Dad a birthday/Christmas gift, a banjo starter kit that was fifty dollars cheaper than the one at Guitar Center, though he might not get it until his birthday or maybe even later, I'm not sure. I would really like it if he got it soon but I don't know when he will get it. I printed the receipt so he would know that I really did buy it and what it was. He won't be able to play it until at least next Thursday anyway, since I wanted to give it to him on Christmas if I got it before. I hope he likes it because he never seems to like him stuff I get him, but I worry that he is going to be mad I spent so much, though I don't honestly go out much, all the stuff I want to get done on my car will have to wait until spring now and I'm getting money for Christmas from most of my relatives, if not all (besides my Dad, I gave him a Christmas list, who knows what I will get on it).
I don't feel like writing much else, the headphones on my cd player are dying, so I need to buy new ones of those when I actually get my Christmas money. I really hope that Modest Mouse song is right and that we all will float on, it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I certainly don't feel that way now. Bye.
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Dec. 19, 2005@6:35 p.m.>>