It's sad that I'm naming entries after Star Wars movies when I haven't even seen one, though that stuff is not my style. I haven't watched a movie since my Chicago obsession of last month. For some reason, I'm so out of that I don't want to watch it anymore.
I took a nap at about four thirty, so now I'm all hyper. I didn't really plan on writing today, but I kind of wanted to, and I was on here reading Puppy's diary so I figured, why not?. Not much has gone on since Sunday. I keep falling asleep during classes, mostly on day one. I know it's bad, and I feel bad about it, I feel like such a bad kid, putting my head down and everything, but I can't seem to keep my eyes open for the first two classes.
I nearly got into an accident last night, I was going straight, coming out of Guitar Center (I go there at least once a week now, how weird!) and heading straight through the intersection to Staples. This woman in an SUV is making a left hand turn out of Staples, but I have the green light and the right of way, yet she keeps going anyway. I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the intersection and shouted the F word in the highest pitch possible. I was shaken up by that for a good ten minutes at least. Yet, now it doesn't seem so bad. I drove tonight through the crazy maze of Welfare Town, with two roads right next to each other under construction at the same time. Believe me, it's an obstacle course now, seems like all of Rhode Island is getting that way. I want to get out of here so badly, but my Dad won't let me, and if I do, he might have to get rid of Blake and Ginger, because he can't afford the house on his own.
It's weird, because I always imagined having Ginger until the day she died, she's the only thing I still have from five years ago, and that I still love more than I did when I first got her. I love Blake, too, and I can't imagine giving him away, either. I had always imagined my parents would live in the house after I left for college, and when I got out, that I could take them to where ever I went (I mean Blake and Ginger). I kind of wish that Dad would find a girlfriend or something, maybe just so I could have a mom figure, because I miss all of that stuff. I would love to have someone to take me to try on dresses, who could watch the dressing room and be honest about how I look. Someone I could talk to who wouldn't make dumb assumptions about me like my mother and grandma used to do. Someone who will love me for who I am and who won't get all bent out of shape if I like something they don't. My Dad is like that, but he's a guy, so it's not like I can relate to him in the same way and it's sometimes embarassing to go shopping with him. I don't think there's a girl I know out there who has the kind of mom I would like to have, but it's something that for some reason, has been on my mind lately. I wish I could tell someone about it, but I'm worried my Dad would get mad if I told him how I felt. I'm not sure if he's open to dating, or if I'm open to him dating. He hasn't dated since the seventies, which to me is a long time ago. I don't know if it's stupid to want a mother figure or if it's normal for someone like me. I'm going to have to ask my therapist tomorrow.
I can't stay in this room much longer. I'm trying not to breathe because a whole family of skunks (or so it smells) just got run over outside, and the smell has already come into the computer room at full force. The poodle came up to Carbon, her friend and I during lunch, and she yelled at them for ignoring her for over a year now and how it wasn't right. It was kind of stupid, because stuff like the party is what has kept them going, and she should've addressed her complaints sooner. I haven't seen Dancer in a while, and I have to wonder what's up with her and if she's still avoiding me at all. Other than that, my head is empty, but my nose is not! Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2003@8:29 p.m.>>