I've been working too hard to be living

Today was okay. I went up to my Aunt's sister's house and it was kind of weird. I got there a little late and everyone was there except my cousin, because she is always late to everything (and by late I mean an hour or so). My Aunt's other sister was not there, she was the one who worked at Weight Watchers (she still does but she's never there) and she helped me lose about forty pounds and I've kept it off. She also likes to buy me clothes, though I don't really like the stuff she buys me. Anyway, apparently she got in a fight with my Aunt and her other sister, so she wasn't there. It really made things feel weird because she is always talking and has a laugh you can hear from a mile away, so it was really quiet without her. I think it also upset my Aunt's sister that she wasn't there, because she seemed upset after I left.

My Grandma and my Dad got me some stuff for Easter. I got a gift card to CVS, which I will probably use tomorrow becuase I'll be in there for a while waiting for my medication. My ear still aches after a damn week, I really hope it's nothing permanent, because I really feel like it's partially the doctor's fault for being such assholes about getting a receptionst who actually can answer a phone. It's been like that for ten years now, ten years is a long time to treat patients like that.


My Dad got me some jelly beans and one of his friends from work got me some Tootsie Pops and I really love those because they are good and they're not very fattening, so after eating a nasty low fat meal (I don't care what anyone says, I think low fat meals suck) I can eat one and get the nasty taste out of my mouth. I've been waking up with a sore throat everyday for the past week and so it will help me then, too.

I don't know what has been going on with me, but I have been really irritated. I feel like I should be out having fun and living life, but I'm just working, going to school and doing stupid ass homework that my English teacher said he wouldn't assign. I want to go to a therapist, but I don't have the damn time to and I don't want to go to summer school because it feels like punishement even though I'm doing okay in school. I'm also really freaking tired and I haven't been getting sleep. All of this is making me incredibly bitchy, so I'm sorry if I've been like that.

I really didn't do much yesterday besides cash my check and go to work. I went to guitar lessons and my teacher was running late and he always does. I hate it when people run late, but I also hate the way that I am always early or on time for things. I hate being a perfectionist and my guitar teacher told me to try not to, but it's really hard. I think I have OCD, I really do, but I don't think that pills or anything will do anything for me. I think I just need to learn that I can't control everything and everyone and that things will often turn out imperfect or not the way I want them to and that I need to learn to be okay with it.

I didn't do much Friday but go to my guitar lessons. I learned yesterday that the bank made an error and listed my Mom's birthday as mine, which seems really stupid and I have no idea how that happened, since they have checked my license a million times and my birthday on there is very different from what my Mom's was. They did fix it, though I didn't tell my Dad and I should because I want to know why it is like that.

I really don't have much to write about. My Grandma is giving me a hundred dollars towards my amp, which is good because that means I will have three hundred and I'll be getting about a hundred more to add to it next week. I'm going to have to start looking at amps again, probably on Friday. If anyone has any recomendations of kinds I could get or places to look, let me know. I could use some advice, though I'll probably ask Mr. Lambchops whenever I see him again, because I know I'll see him before I buy one. You know what I hate? There are only two people I can talk to online who are on often, yet I don't want to talk to them because they are night owls. If I start a conversation with them, which I always have to do, they end up talking for hours to me and I always end up staying up way too late and I never IM them in order to avoid that. I also keep forgetting to watch Best Week Ever, but I'm just sick of hearing about types like Paris Hilton because they are stupid bitches. It would be nice to see some real women in the media and not just stupid whore types like her who don't have to do any of the things they do because they are rich. I'll write more tomorrow because I'm working on Tuesday night. Bye.
*Racecar*

<< Sunday, Mar. 27, 2005@10:05 p.m.>>

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My name is Racecar, and I'm a music composition major at URI. I'm a senior this year and so I'm getting ready to both finish college and head out into the real world. Join me on my adventure, won't you?

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