It always feels like I wait weeks upon weeks to write in here. I've actually been busy, but it doesn't feel like it. In the end, Mrs. Black went back to NY quite early, and it's coming back until Wednesday. She doesn't seem to be taking my calls while in NY either, which makes me mad because whenever someone from NY calls her, she won't hesitate to take the call, even if I'm in the middle of saying something to her. Not only that, but she stays on the phone for at least ten minutes, so that by the time she does start talking to me again, I've forgotten whatever I was talking about, and so has she. I hate it because it's usually the two of us alone (especially now since she got into a fight with Mickey and they're no longer talking), so I felt totally left out. It's the worst when I'm driving, because it's not like I can call up R and start talking to her.
Last week was weird, because I still had Saturday off, so I worked 8-4 both Wednesday and Friday. Thursday I went to Six Flags with my Dad, which was fun. It was a special for where he works, so there was a buffet in the picnic grove, but that was depressing because few people showed up and none of them were people we knew. It was also very hot out, so the park wasn't busy, except for the water rides and water park, which we didn't go into. Still, we got to ride all of the coasters, which was fun, except the Cyclone, which was down. The log flume was also down, which was a total loss, because that would've been great that day.
We did go on a water ride, but we didn't get wet, we waited in the hot sun in line for it for 45 minutes, and it spun around a lot. So, we ended up getting sick instead, and went to a candy shop and bought water, which I guzzled down very fast. We didn't feel too good after that, even though we went on two coasters after. We didn't feel better until we got into my car and my Dad drove home. We stopped at Friendly's on the way and had dinner which was good. Oh, and I rode the Bizzarro Superman by myself, which was scary, though I liked it when it was the regular Superman better. My Dad couldn't ride because his knee wouldn't bend enough, but I'd already paid $1 to store my stuff in the locker for the ride, so I didn't want to waste it. They added speakers with all kinds of gibberish going on during the ride, which gave me a headache. But it's by far the best ride as Six Flags New England.
Friday I worked all day and then went to my guitar lesson, so I was very tired by the time I got home. Saturday I went with Nad and two of his friends up to New Hampshire. We went to this Airsoft field and did training on how to be on a SWAT team. Nad said it would only be a couple of hours, but it actually ended up being 8. We got up there at 10 am and left around 6:30 pm, meaning I didn't get home until 9 pm. It was also very hot out that day, though the sun wasn't out the whole day and it rained so it did cool off outside. But, we had to listen to the owner of the field talk about safety for hours on end, which was boring after a while. Then we walked on a tour of the field, which was a long tour, since the field was 18 acres long. We also did shooting, which I was bad at, and a quiz, which I also did bad on (I didn't know we were having a quiz on the lecture until right before said quiz, or else I wouldn't have been zoning out the whole time).
I really don't want to do Airsoft. I can't afford to spend $200 on a BB gun that I might use all of 2-3 times a year, and it's $20 to play a game, not to mention all the money I'd spend on gas. Plus most of the games are on weekends when I work. Nad seems to really want me to do it, but it's silly because he already has a full squad and is always talking about how great they are. Not to mention he often jokes around with me about being a prissy girl (which I didn't even know was a joke until Mrs. Black told me, since she asked). To be honest, I was a bit disappointed in myself for not wanting to do Airsoft. I thought I was a real tough girl, since I don't do well as a girly girl. I had hope that would be my little niche, but it's not.
Heck, I don't even make a good geek girl, because I don't really read comics. I do enjoy anime, but that in itself is a very niche thing, and it's seen as a childish thing, too (either that or porn, I prefer the childish one, obviously). I'm not sure if I fit into any kind of girl type. It's kind of worrying, especially since I'm going to be meeting my Dad's girlfriend's granddaughters next week (no, she's not that much older than my Dad, but my parents were older than most when they had me). I'm worried they'll be like my cousin, all into fashion and popular music. I don't want to get stuck in the usual thing of hanging out with the old people or sitting in a corner by myself, checking my twitter. I don't know what I will talk about with them, since I don't know what I'll have in common with them, if anything. I'd like to be friendly with them, one of them is a music major, too. But I worry I'll look stupid, like I did with Fakir and his friends that day.
On Tuesday I went to the Outlet Mall with R. I felt bad because I've been kind of ignoring her for Mrs. Black, but R has other friends so I guess it doesn't bother her. I bought a gray dress for the party next week (it's kind of supposed to be to celebrate my graduation), some shoes for work (which makes me think I'm turning into my father, buying multiple pairs of the same shoes for work), a t-shirt at Hot Topic and some fudge. We also went to the Cracker Barrel and had lunch, though R upset me a bit because she didn't tip the waitress, who was nice to her (I left a tip, but it only covered my part of the meal, since we each paid for our own, I felt R should've paid for her own tip). Then R pretended to give me 5 cents for gas money, which also got on my nerves. I drive her around whenever we hang out, and she never gives me even a dollar for gas. I'm not saying I expect it all the time, but every now and then would be nice. Not to mention she is always encouraging me to spend money that I don't really have. We also watched Soul Eater while I put some ringtones on her phone, which took forever because her phone is kind of crappy.
Wednesday I wanted to see Mickey, but I didn't get to, and I didn't today, either. His power went out because one of the power lines where he lives broke and they haven't even started repairs on it yet. I feel bad for Mickey sometimes, because he's such a nice guy yet he seems to have gone through a lot due to Mrs. Black. Though I know he put her through stuff as well, Mrs. Black just never seems as hurt by it.
I honestly have no idea what is going on with Mrs. Black and I. I get the feeling that she is hiding something from me, but I don't know what. I think it's probably about how she feels. She's probably mad at me for something and won't tell me, which is irritating. I can't apologize for things if I don't know what I did wrong. I almost wish she would stay in NY, because she seems so miserable in RI. I know that a good chunk of me would miss her, but another part of me says that I need to learn to stand on my own, and not rely on those who have held me up in the past.
I had entertained the idea of going to back to NY with her for good at the end of this year. I want to move away and start over somewhere. But I am worried about making friends and such, that I won't be able to do much on my own in a totally new place. That I'll fail much like I did three years ago (it certainly doesn't feel like three years),and come back home damaged and disappointed. Still, it's not right to ride on Mrs. Black's coattails and she is actually going to be staying in RI for a while. She's going to a hair dressing/makeup school in Providence in August, and she won't be done until next July. Her boyfriend, Mr. Black is going to be coming down to RI to go to URI, in the spring (I think, since Fall admission ended in May). She says she still wants to leave here, but if Mr. Black goes to URI, he won't be done with college until Spring 2012 and Mrs. Black would hopefully have a stable job by then. I don't think it's a good idea for either one of them to stay down here, not with all the people Mrs. Black seems afraid of, the ones she wants to avoid. But I don't want to tell her that now, since it's too late and she might think I don't want her around.
To be truthful, this whole incident with the costumes felt like high school all over again. Yet I know the time away from her was something I needed, and maybe something she needed as well. Anyway, there are a few more things I want to do before I go to bed, so good night!-*Rukia*
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