I've been sick for the past two days. I wasn't too bad on Monday, I had a sore throat getting up but I thought it would go away. It didn't and by Tuesday morning I had a sore throat, a runny nose and my ears kept popping. I called the doctor but I couldn't get an appointment until Wednesday afternoon. I didn't have my morning class, so I played clarinet, sang and played piano. I then went to my Jazz Ensemble class and it turns out I got in but I don't know anyone in my band. I realy wanted Sunshine to be in my band so I would at least know someone.
We didn't start playing until about three thirty and we didn't stop. I left at five, because I really wasn't in a good mood at all. I think I ticked off the teacher really bad. I kept fidgeting, especially when the drummer played really loud or when the teacher talked becuase he loves to repeat himself. My ears were killing me and I just kept feeling them pop every time someone made a loud noise. I also was kind of angry at the doctor's office for not every trying to squeeze me in that day. I wanted to get better for tomorrow to do my singing test, and I think I'm going to have to do it, but I'm having a hard time with some notes and with hearing them just right, so I'm off a bit.
I kind of cried because I couldn't keep up with the guys in class, I really worry that I can't do this and it's all too much for me. I hope that I can try and learn to play the way they do, but it's just irritating. They just start playing a song and keep going through it, but they don't tell you how many times they are going through it. When we went through "Afternoon in Paris" twenty times I didn't realize we were doing it that much. I don't think I can leave the group because I think they need me for different parts, like to comp chords or to play the melody while the other guitar player is comping. I just don't know if I fit into this whole jazz thing. I was sitting down because Nora's strap locks were messed up and I didn't think it would matter if I sat down or not. But the teacher (I'm going to call him Mr. Stick, because he has a stick up his ass, honestly) got mad at me, which is dumb because while I understand for a performance it's not good to be sitting but it's only a rehersal and I don't like to stand for two hours holding a twenty pound guitar (which they all stared at a bit, probably thinking it was a Mexican Strat), especially since I was and still am, sick.
Mr. Stick told me to go and talk to him after class before he left us alone to play. I went around five to his office, but I heard him talking to someone and didn't know if it was on the phone or in there and I didn't know whether to knock or leave so I left. I really don't like him and I don't like talking to him because I knew he was going to yell at me and tell me I can't act like that if I except to be in the Ensemble. I've heard this kind of stuff all my life, my dumb problems have kept me from pretty much every experience you can think of it.
I left feeling like I couldn't play guitar at all and wondering if I should keep going with music. It's not that I don't love it, it's not that I'm not willing to work hard, but there are just so many people who keep saying that I can't do it or that I'm not as good as the others around me and it starts to get to me after a while. I really wish I had the support of many people instead of just my Dad. I don't know if I should keep going or not. Part of me says no and the other part says yes, but I mostly feel like I need some kind of guidance as to what to do. I'm going to have to go to Career Services at school sometime this week and see what they say. I might also see how this semester goes.
I have to get to bed soon because I won't be home until around six tomorrow, hopefully. I really don't want to stay past five thirty tomorrow and I'm just going to lie and say I have to work or something. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't sick, but all I really want is to sleep and not have to wipe my nose every ten seconds. I look like Rudolph right now because of the tissues hurting my nose. I went through a good chunk of the tissue box today during classes. I've gone through half of the box in the past day.
Not much else has been going on except that. I went to the doctor today and he put me on Zithromax, but he gave me pills. I have a very hard time taking pills and I can't take them if they are very big. The little Excerdrin pills are the biggest I've ever taken. When I get home from CVS, what do I have? Three pills that are about two times the size of any pill I feel comfortable taking. The doctor didn't even ask me if I wanted liquid or pills, he was in such a hurry and it made me mad becuase I wanted to ask him a bunch of questions. He only talked to me for all of three minutes. I hate doctors because they don't even try to be friendly with their patients anymore. It's like going to McDonald's now, yet it's very expensive in comparison, which makes no sense. I've been going there for ten years and that whole time I've never gotten pills, how could the doctor not have at least asked me? He knows I'm on the birth control patch, for the sole reason that I can't take the damn pill. He even asked me if I was still on it before he gave me the medicine I got. I wonder if the patch is why they never give me Amoxil anymore. I really liked Amoxil because even in the pill form, it's the kind where the two parts are plastic like coating and they come apart and you can take the powder out and put it in a drink or something. These pills had the shiny coating that makes it a bitch to cut and that makes it fall apart when you do cut it. He gave me a decongestant, too, like I'm going to take it. They always make me really tired and I'm already tired enough.
I had a test in Piano today on the five finger pattern and I think I did okay. We had a weird Music Theory class because our teacher is in Las Vegas, so two of the smartest people in our class went over stuff with us because there's going to be a test on Friday, even though she still won't be back until Monday (the teacher I mean). It was a really off the cuff class and we only really went over the homework, which most people had trouble with, including the girls teaching the class. It was fun though. Jazz History is still pretty boring and the girls in that class are really irritating, making fun of the teacher because he couldn't get the cd player to work, which wasn't his fault, because when he got another cd player, he got it to work right away. I find it irritating when kids laugh at teachers, unless they are actually telling a joke or something. My English class is like that, but nothing really interesting has happened there, either. I know this is way off topic but "It's Been A While" by Staind was on tonight and all I could think of is how Lithium used to sing along and it just made me laugh. You would have to hear it, but she could sing the way the guy does in the song, but added a whine to it, which kind of fits because that song just seems whiny to me. I'm going to go to bed now. Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Wednesday, Feb. 02, 2005@9:31 p.m.>>