Well, I suck at everything, and that's official. I now have to look for a new job, because I don't get enough hours at my current one. I asked about that, because now that the Kite project is over, there's not so much to do. They said I got upset working the back a few times and that I couldn't handle it, so I was doing Dining Room. Well, I think there's more than three hours of Dining Room work a week. I worked in the back last time and thought I did pretty good, too. So, I won't be getting any more hours is pretty much what they said and I'm relegated to Dining Room until I quit, which will hopefully be soon.
I really hoped I could work more over vacation, because I have no friends as of now. Dancer's busy with her boyfriend, FiFi makes me too angry when I'm around her, Hydrogen is back in Buffalo and Carbon hates me as much as she hates FiFi now. I was upset last night because she said she couldn't go to the concert tomorrow night with me (I swear I'm one of the few people in this state who likes Ben Kweller). Then, like she usually does, she told me she had to go, but not before yelling at me "Why did you buy three tickets then?". Dancer was supposed to go, but she ditched me for her boyfriend. I'm going to call Dancer tomorrow and pray that she'll hang out with me, because I'm not working until Wednesday, which I guess gives me a great deal of time to job hunt.
So, I put up an away message last night, saying I was depressed and how I feel like my friends don't care and are too focused on themselves. Carbon saw it and told me that I was focused on myself and that I always act like it's all about me and that other people have feelings and problems too. I think it's funny how she probably thinks she's the fucking first person to tell me that. I think I have heard that from everyone. I'm sure Blake and Ginger would say that if they could talk. Yet, when Dancer used to call me a spoiled brat, Carbon would say that I wasn't. I don't know what the truth is anymore, I'm not even sure.
I went to URI today, which I honestly can say I don't want to go there. I can't go to St. Rose either because of my eight million problems that prohibit me from doing anything right. I just can't stand myself right now. I should be out having fun and doing things like that. All I've been doing is hating myself for everything that's happening to me, because I feel like I should've fucking known better, I should've seen this shit coming. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to go to college or if I even want to go or if I even should. I don't know where my destiny lies, but it seems like happiness is very far from where I am in my life.
I would love it if anyone out there has any words of advice or wisdom, be it bad or good. If you have any stories that might make me feel better, please let me know, e-mail them if you want, my e-mail should be on this page somewhere. I'm not really looking forward to the rest of my vacation.
*Racecar*
<< Thursday, Apr. 08, 2004@8:52 p.m.>>