My computer will not work with a printer and I think I am going to kill someone. I am just so frustrated and it has been getting to me, even in my dreams I have been angry. I had a dream a couple of nights ago where I was yelling at everyone because they were all on medications that were helping them, while mine are not helping me, but hurting me. It's like all the doctors in the world have no idea at all how my body works, as if I really am some kind of walking freakshow.
I am getting dizzy every time I bend down and some times while I am standing up during the day. I was told that this was because of the Paxil. I tried Seroquil and it gave me a headache and made me fall asleep right away. I was tired all day, was very dizzy and had a headache for most of the day, too. I did not take any more of it and will never take it again, ever. I am still taking Lamictal, though I have the feeling that will do something to me once I take more tomorrow.
My computer will not work with any printer and I have several assignments to turn in next week and if I don't, then I will fail school. I will probably go to California and yell at the Apple people until everyone there has blood in their ears. Honestly, my PowerBook has been acting up so badly lately. I have installed THREE printers onto my computer and only one of them works. My Dad said he would look into in tomorrow, but if he doesn't fix my car, I will probably go into a Hulk like rage and rip the door off myself.
I just wish that my medication would help me to not feel so worried and anxious and irritated. I don't want to do anything that I am supposed to, like study for my theory test tomorrow on the fucking fugue, which we do not need to know until next semester and which I will not remember. I really don't want to show up to class, but the teacher will be late so I should have some time to study then. I hope it will be enough, but I really don't care.
I apparently bought a psycho printer, because it just tried to print on document on about forty pages of paper. Needless to say, it was not successful. Now it will not print at all. I really do have to go to bed but I am just so upset that I really don't want to do anything. I fucking hate my life right now.
All I want for Christmas is him, I just want him to be with me and live with me. I want him to love me and go places with me, to be friends with his friends and to maybe just live where he lives. I just want to be with him, he makes me happy, but I don't think that I would make him happy. I don't feel like he really notices anything about me the way I notice so much about him. I am tempted to tell him that I know more than he thinks I know, but I think that will just freak him out, if I haven't already freaked him out. I wish I at least knew how he felt so I would know whether things are worth it. I doubt that he thinks about me though, there are so many people in his life that he actually sees. I feel stupid thinking about him, but my life is as barren as the desert, so it don't feel like there are many people for me to think about.
I have the feeling that Katie like this guy that she knows, his name is Robert and he likes history and punk music just as much as she does. They would actually be a cute couple, I can't imagine that he parties much and I think that he thinks highly of her. While I am happy for her, I am irritated that I'm still alone. It's kind of like that episode of the Simpsons where Principal Skinner fell in love with Patty and Selma got lonely and was really the one who wanted to be loved. I'm alone and I don't want to be but I'm happy that Katie probably won't be much longer. I just really need to drasitcally change as a person and I don't know when that kick in the ass that will change me will come.
*Racecar*
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