Today was kind of disappointing, too. I talked to my Dad about my car because the exhaust pipe was hanging sideways. My Dad told me he would make a makeshift holder for it and put it under my car to hold the pipe up for now. Anyway, he was supposed to get up early to look at it, but he didn't. So, I went to Lake Tigoue and saw him sitting in his truck. When he came out, I think I was nearly blinded. I think I know why he is single, and it could be because his teeth are all crooked and he has a nasty mustache. I honestly spent the time we went kayaking looking at the water and I felt like crying, to be honest. He just isn't my type, and I'm not even saying looks. I really don't think he is intellectually minded at all and I don't really want to date anyone right now. He wanted to go out for lunch afterwards, but I told him I wasn't hungry, because I really wasn't and I didn't want to spend anymore time with him. I feel bad that I don't like him and I worry I'm shallow because I know part of it is because of the way he looks.
I went to Best Buy after that and got the Simpsons season six on DVD and I got the entire League of Gentlemen series, which was definately an impulse buy on my part. I didn't have enough money for both so I charged them because I didn't have enough money. I came home after that and did my usual stuff. My guitar teacher rescheduled my guitar lesson for the second time in two weeks. I talked to my Grandma and she told me I shouldn't worry that only ugly guys seem to like me. I just feel like there is never going to be a cute guy who likes me who I like.
Carbon called, too, but I didn't get to talk to her about that. We didn't talk about much at all, I want to talk to her about it tomorrow, but I don't know if we'll have any privacy because my Dad doesn't know. I feel awful for not liking him, but then I feel awful because I just feel like there is no guy for me out there. I mean, people tell me I'm good looking, but if I am, why doesn't anyone decent looking like me? Or is it because my Grandma is right and this town is full of hicks? I just want to go out with a cute guy who is going to college or is at least reading books and stuff often. Kind of like the guy who teaches guitar lessons where I go for lessons. He's a bit older than me, but he is so cute. He's got pretty brown eyes and brown hair and he shaves. He's not tan, he's pretty white like I am and he was always so quiet in class but very friendly. I don't think he'd like me because he is so much better at music than I am and I think he sees me as a little sister type. I always end up liking the same cute guy in one of my classes who is smarter than me and who doesn't see me as an equal. I'm bummed out that my life just seems to be stuck in repeat all the time, I wonder if I really can be loved at all. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me, my cousin has problems like mine but she seems to have had a few boyfriends, but only one of them was any good.
I guess I'm going to have to wait until I get out of college to start dating, but that just sucks because four years seems like a long time. I'm hoping that when I transfer there will be some nice guys there. There were some at school, too, but none of them really liked me at all.
Anyway, after talking to Carbon, I finished working out and took a nap. When I woke up, my car was gone and my Dad didn't come back with it until almost seven thirty. He brought back pizza from Uncle Tony's and it was okay. I don't like the sauce that they use because it's too spicy, but everything else was good. I loved the doughyness of the pizza (I know that's not a word, but I don't know how to say the pizza was nice and thick). The cheese was good, the mushrooms were a little shriveled and there were too many olives, but it was good. I haven't had a pizza that good since Domenic's burned down, and I'll probably be twenty when they open again.
I asked my Dad about the pipe and if he got it back on. It fell off, and he has to go to Fiore tomorrow to get the part, which won't come for a while, so I get to drive with my sunroof open. I'm kind of glad the pipe chose to rust out in the summer, though I thought it was my fault at first. I think they should tell you in driver's ed that your damn exhaust pipe can rust out, especially if you drive near the beach or on salty roads in the winter.
I'm feeling a little better now because iTunes seems to know what I want to hear. The Red Sox won and the Yankees lost, so I'm happy about that, too. I really don't know what to tell this guy. I wouldn't mind being his friend, but I really don't like him in that way and I don't honestly think my mind will change. I feel really bummed that he wasn't like I thought he would be. I'm deleting my MySpace ASAP, because I don't honestly like it at all. I think it's just got such a "pay attention to me!" kind of feel to it and some people on there don't know how to spell simple English words, even though they write in English! I have to get ready for bed now. I hope tomorrow is a ton better than today was, and that the idiots at Fiore aren't too busy giving away Pontiacs and GMC trucks (which love to try to run me down, in my car, mind you), to give my Dad the right part. They gave him the wrong one last time, and a few other times, too. I hope if he buys another Jetta it's not from them, because they only do that as a side thing. If you saw the number of Pontiacs around here, you would understand, and they only run Pontiac ads, too. It kind of sucks, but they're the only ones close by.
Is it normal to question yourself when things aren't going well? I just wondered because I've been questioning myself a ton today. I wish I liked popular stuff, that way when people ask me my favorite stuff, it's normal. I mean, people know the Simpsons, but no one watches it as much as I do, at least who I know. No one around here likes the Red Sox, and they don't even have RI down as a state on a contest they're having! They have every state but RI, which is dumb because they used a few pitchers from Pawtucket tonight, so it's not like we don't help them out. My Dad just put down Connecticut, which I guess is close enough. I hate RI, there's nothing here. I just wish I liked popular stuff so I could fit in with people my own age, because I feel like I don't anymore. I'm also sick of hearing fucking Phil Collins at work and I'm sick of hearing Gorrilaz on the radio, they both suck and I wouldn't miss either of them. I'm just really frustrated with my life and I feel like one shallow bitch right now.
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