I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while. It seems like Sunday night is always busy on this site, so I had to wait until it wasn't busy anymore. Last night, the cable internet and the cable itself were acting really weird. They kept shutting on and off whenever they felt like it. The internet didn't come back up, but the tv did. By then, I was too tired to write an entry and I didn't have much to say.
Yesterday I went with my Dad to the Animal Planet Expo, which really sucked. They were in this really rich town in Rhode Island, that's near the water, yet they said it was Providence. While Providence is expensive to live in, I honestly don't think that it has a crappy park and there's no water near Providence except the river. Every time someone comes to Rhode Island, they always assume they're in Providence, which is stupid, because this state is not just one giant city. It was really hot out and Blake tried to run away, which gave me the shock of my life. I chased after him, but he did come back. There were mostly little kids there and one wanted to take a picture of Blake and he did. It's weird how people usually either like only Blake or only Ginger. The girl at Petsmart gave him treats but not Ginger, even though she was with us, too. We went there afterward to get them some treats. I felt bad for them because they were panting because it was so hot out.
Today it was my Aunt's birthday, so we went up to her sister's house and ate ravioli for dinner. It was funny though, because one of my Aunt's sister sons was playing baseball by himself. I stayed there for about three hours, because after that I had to go home and play guitar, etc. I was kind of irritated at the way that they all told me that everything was the same outside of Rhode Island and that my desire to move was stupid. I thought it was funny how my cousin was asking me for advice on how to lose weight, even though I still weigh more than her. I honestly think that short shorts don't look good on anyone, they made even her look kind of weird. I don't get who would honesetly like shorts that ride up their legs when they sit down or stand up, that kind of clothing always bothers me. I hate it because it's always hard to wear shorts in the summer because of that and I feel guilty about cutting up my Express jeans because they fit so nice. I end up wearing skirts, but I don't really like wearing them all the time.
Tomorrow I have two lessons, guitar and clarinet one after the other. Then I'm going to attempt to wash my car without inadvertanly killing myself, since my Dad tends to put stuff in the garage and then put more stuff on top of it, and then when I'm going for something, the stuff around it will fall on me, or near me. I really wish he would clean out the garage someday, it's been like that since I was really little. I also have to find out what time my audition was because they still haven't called me about it. Honestly I'm just waiting for them to say something to me like "You don't have enough experience to audition." or "We lost your stuff." I'm just waiting on something to happen, because my experiences with colleges haven't been good, at least with music departments, even in high school and with my family, most people tell me I shouldn't play guitar or want to be a music teacher. I would love to prove them wrong, because I've never proven anyone wrong before, or at least when I do no one seems to notice.
Oh and the weirdest thing happened tonight. My Dad was online and he wanted to buy hair growth formula. He's been bald since I was born, which was eighteen years ago (almost) and I remember he tried it before and it didn't work. I don't understand why he is concerned about his hair and not his weight, since being too overweight can really affect your health, while not having hair doesn't do much to a person's health. He must be at least seventy pounds overweight and he has really bad eating habits. It's just sad to see him so fat. I wish I could just chop my hair off and give it to him, I'm tired of it. I think I'm going to ask the hairdresser to cut it short. There's only so many times when it takes three hours for your hair to dry, when it gets in your face everyday, when it doesn't want to go up without twenty clips, before you just want to shave it off. Everyone tells me my hair is nice, but no one realises what a pain it is, especially because the girls that do have curly hair around here flat iron it, so I look like I'm the only one who has it. I almost wish I could be like Carbon and donate my hair to make a wig, because it would make a nice wig, but I don't think that I could grow my hair out long enough without going crazy. I don't like going to the hairdresser because I feel like I don't fit in there, but I'm starting to feel like that everywhere. I don't even go to Newbury anymore because I thought that I went there too often and that they thought I was weird. I definately think that I need a therapist to talk to while I stay here, just someone to tell me that I can fit and that my ideas aren't crazy.
Do you ever get the feeling that you made a big mistake? I've been feeling like that about everything lately. Getting my laptop, going to CCRI, talking to any of my old friends, the whole feeling that it's my fault that I like things most people don't like, I just feel like I'm messing up every chance I get and that I need to act normal and give up on the things I want. I know that I'll keep going no matter what because I want to be happy, and to me, this stuff would make me happy. Yet, it always seems to lead me into more trouble than I was in before and it seems to take me a long time, if at all to get out of it. I just hope that things work out in some way and that all this waiting for good stuff to happen is really worth it.
*Racecar*
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