It's been almost a week since I updated, and I think that things are going along. I'm really not happy with the way things are, but that I guess is normal for me. The internet on my computer is not working right and I think it's because I have some virus on my hands, because when I use GoBack (the only reason to buy a Gateway computer, and even then, you can probably download it somewhere else) the iternet works again. I thought it could be that the people at the cable company have been doing absolutely NOTHING all this year, because the guide on the digital cable is down again, which is dumb. I mean, how can you have 200 channels, which TV Guide doesn't list on their little grids and be able to watch them? Even if you like something, you're not going to know what it is.
I haven't been up to much. I now only have to take three exams: Trig, Physics and Music Theory. I'm not 100% sure about Music Theory, he is supposed to tell us on Tuesday who doesn't have to take it. The school rule is if you are a senior and have an A in the class, you don't have to take the final exam. This would mean I would only have to go to school two days the week after next, and it would only be to take one exam each day. I would be so happy if I didn't have to take Music Theory, but I'm not betting that I won't have to. The teacher liked my jazz solo so much, he kept it, though I'm not sure why, because I really wanted to hear what it sounded like on Nora.
No one is talking to me at lunch except Carbon and her friend and I only have two lunched with them, out of four. Hydrogen should talk to me at lunch,too, but now she won't and I don't know why. I'm worried that I'll have no one to spend time with over the summer, which would really suck. Not only that, but my aunt and her family are going to NYC on June 4th to get an opinion on how bad her lung cancer is. She was told it was level four by a local doctor, but another local doctor wants her to have another biopsy and assures her it's not that bad, which I'm pretty sure is true. In case you don't know, level four would mean the cancer has spread into other parts of her body besides her lungs. I won't know for sure what's happening for a while, though there is a cook out tomorrow and I've been invited.
So, it looks like my graduation will be with just my grandmother and my father. It kind of bums me out the way that nothing this year has gone even remotely the way I wanted it to. I really just wish I could've found a decent job and some decent friends.
I want the kind of friends that don't follow popular culture like it's the only way to live. Not that I don't like stuff that is popular, but I don't think you should base your decisions on whether someone else likes it or not. That is one of the few things I learned about high school, you shouldn't live your life the way someone else thinks you should. I can understand if you're doing drugs or something, but in my mind, liking indie rock is no crime. I don't understand why my peers feel the need to be sluts and like slutty people like Britney Spears. Sadly, I have heard some of her new album, because the gym teacher thinks it's dance music (I think that you can work out to almost anything, though I like working out to the Clash). It's so slutty, every song sounds like she's having sex. I don't think that's the point of music, but then again, I think I might be going crazy. I just hate the way that kids my age think that having sex and talking about it and wearing thongs and shit makes them so frigging mature.
I'm so tired of people my age being so fake and there being no such thing as loyalty to your friends. No one is loyal to me, though when they're bored, they call me. They can't talk to me about anything and if I try to tell them how I feel, I get no repsonse what so ever. I know that I'm different from them, that I don't care if I ever date a fucking greasy boy who wears a smelly leather jacket and thinks he's black. I think they don't like me because they feel like they have nothing in common with me, and it's probably true.
I just want friends who like similar things, not the same thing, but when I like something and I say I like it, they at least have an idea of what I'm talking about. Like when I say I like 24, they're not like "What's that?" and after I answer "Oh, nobody cares about stuff like that, American Idol is so much better." I hate that show, it's so dumb, I mean, it's not fair to all the people who work their asses off, learning to write songs for themselves, who play their instruments for hours, hoping someone will recognize their talent. Anyone can take singing lessons and sing along to ballads. I don't think that just because I can sing along to some dumb ballad that I should get a record contract.
I want friends who stick by me and a nice boyfriend who isn't greasy and doesn't think that he lives in the ghetto. I want people who love and respect me and who are willing to listen to me and will talk to me and not just give me the silent treatment. I would also like to say that that is the most IMMARTURE way to deal with things ever invented. You can't just run away from a problem and I would love it if the people who do that actually got bit in the ass for once.
I guess you can tell what type of week I've had. Not that anyone is reading this because no one asked for the password, so I'm just going to say that it's much easier to prentend that you are writing to someone when you really aren't. I'm going to go play clarinet now and work out. I'll write more, possibly tomorrow.
*Racecar*
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