I haven't been feeling very well lately, though I am not sure why. It started on Friday and has gone on since, though I think it might just be in my head. My mouth feels really dry and I just feel like there is something wrong with my head. I have a hard time sleeping at night and I just don't know what is going on.
I'm not sure about the whole Tristan situation, I think that he might like me, but that could be in my head, too. I feel so bad for him sometimes. I read the things he writes and it just makes me wish that I could be there to hug him and tell him that he's just beautiful. I'm not sure if he realizes that he is beautiful whether or not there is a beautiful girl on his arm, sometimes I think he doesn't. He is writing about his past, and I feel like he is probably better off now, but it worries me when I read how low he got. He actually lost lots of weight and stopped eating for a while, then thought he had stomach cancer. He seriously thought that he was going to die and had them stick a camera through his nose and into his stomach just to know if he had it or not, and he was sure that he did. He obviously didn't, but it just makes me sad and worried at the same time to read about that.
I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to come across as creepy or to bother him too much. I wrote to him on Wednesday and so I don't want to write to him again so soon. Then again, I want to let him know that I care about him and let him know all the things that I wrote before, but I am just not sure if it's right. Maybe it just isn't, there is a very slim chance that he would even feel the same and I don't want to ruin the friendship that I think is what we have. I figure that once he does find someone my feelings will have to end because I'll feel too guilty.
Does anyone know what I should do? I have the feeling that he likes me, or that he has something to say to me. I want to tell him that he can say whatever he wants to me and I won't mind. Still, I worry that would freak him out, too. He said he has nothing to be ashamed of, so why would he be ashamed about anything that he has to say to me? I doubt that he really does have anything to say, but part of me says he does. I am just so damn confused about him, I feel split in two as far as how I feel about him. I hate the way that whenever I care about someone I am usually too scared to tell them and when I do I feel like my whole body is on fire and that I have made the person I care about feel weird. I wish I could just say what is on my mind without worrying about it. Maybe someday I will be like that. If anyone has any advice, let me know.-Kate
<< Monday, Feb. 05, 2007@10:44 a.m.>>