I was reading Meghan's diary (I bet she thought I only LOOKED at it, but, sadly, I'm literate. I know I've disappointed you all.) and she had written an entry about boys. This made me think, since a ton of things have been happening involving the opposite sex lately. No, I'm not a boy.
Anyway, FiFi broke up with Mr. Lambchops, which I found shocking, because she suposedly loved him a ton, and slept with him, of all things. I mean, I don't get how you can supposedly love someone that much (well, to me it would have to be so much that I would NEVER want anyone else) and just dump them like that, out of the blue. I don't feel bad for FiFi, because she's already going out with Stoner Charles, this annoying asshole in my Public Speaking class. She broke up with Mr. Lambchops only yesterday, and now she's dating THAT asshole. I just don't know where she gets her ideas about boys from.
I never had a problem with Mr. Lambchops, though I feel bad for him, because he seems to have been the loser in this whole ordeal (it seems like with most ordeals involving FiFi, the other person is the loser). I just can't stand Stoner Charles, he butts in to everyone's conversations, talks pretty slow and annoying like, screams like a girl, looks like the Pillsbury doughboy and thinks he's hilarious. Those cocky, overconfident types were never my type to begin with, and the fact that all of Lithium's friends except me have dated him will probably make her want to peel off her skin once I tell her.
I don't mention too many guys in here. I'm not a guy crazy girl, and I've never had a time in my life where all I really thought of was boys. While I often berate myself for never even having kissed a boy, sometimes I think about how it could all change so fast. I could go from just kissing a boy to sleeping with him, to ending up having his kids and all that other stuff. It's not that I don't like guys, it's that I'm not ready for ALL of the stuff that probably does come along with going out with one.
I do like two guys though. One of them has a locker right near mine, and every time I go to my locker, I look for him. His last name is close to mine, but not close enough that he's in the same homeroom, which makes me want to change my last name (though then, nobody would know I'm the daughter of the infamous Egghead Horlas, world famous scientist and heavy metal fan), just so I know when he's at school or not. I saw him today, before I went to English. He's one of those guys that I would normally like. He's preppy looking, with the most gorgeous blue eyes I've seen in a long time (I usually like brown eyed guys, even Chip-Chop was one) and pretty brown hair, and his clothes are always so nice. He was wearing my favorite color today, too, and he looked really good in it (that color would be dark green, it reminds me of fall and Christmas).
I don't know how to approach this guy, and I don't think I'll ever have any classes with him. He's the kind of guy who obviously has a girlfriend, but I've never seen him make out in front of his locker or anything. I wish I could go out with a guy like him, though one of the many reasons is to keep types like Perscocho (the horny herb) far away. I don't think that I'm meant for dating right now anyway, since so much else is on my mind.
I took a test online a few days ago, and I know they're not reliable tests, but it seemed to bring up my worst fears: that I'm cold hearted. It's hard for me to open up to people, it's hard for me to even get the first few words out. I've never been the type who anyone has really found endearing, and so no one has gone after me. I can be off putting, but I wish I wasn't. I do wish I could open up, since I miss so much in life when I don't. It may not seem like it, but I really don't know how to talk to people at first, so it's hard for me to talk at all.
I regret not talking to other guys I've liked, even though the thing with Chip-Chop didn't work, I should've told the others how I felt, and even locker boy. Though I want to try and talk to locker boy first, and assign him a proper nickname. :)
Don't bet on any of that happening, but do know that everything I've told you is true and serious. I'm out of interesting things to say.
I've always been the girl who falls for messed up guys, too. It's weird, I used to hate this one guy, and now I love him, and I always seem him so sad, but in a way, I think that's why I like him. I want to let him know that I love him, and that the world really is a good place, and that he's a great guy. He doesn't smile often, but when he does, it's just so pretty, his whole face just lights up, and he looks like the cutest guy alive. I just wish his face were always like that.
Anyway, I don't know if this entry has made any sense. I really can't make sense of teen dating, I might just wait until I get out of college, or at least learn to talk to people. I don't understand how these girls can love a guy for a week, and how do they know it was love at all? Or even the guys, and how they guys can stare at girls and seem them as just bodies and nothing more. It's kind of sad that I can barely grasp the way girls think, let alone the way guys do. I think we're all different, but not so much that we're not all still human. Bye!
Your insane friend in the sky,
*Grape*Cloud*
<< Tuesday, Nov. 26, 2002@3:52 p.m.>>